


Hold Me Now

by LadyofHeart



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post Timeskip, dont worry this has a happy ending, im veeeery bad at writing angst, the dedue/ashe stuff is pretty light sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-18 19:35:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20644535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyofHeart/pseuds/LadyofHeart
Summary: Not everyone Ashe expected to see at the reunion returns, and he's left once more to contemplate loss.





	Hold Me Now

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. This reunion, five years in the making, it wasn’t supposed to be this. How could Ashe have been hit with so much in so little time? The professor was alive. The prince was alive.  _ But Dedue… _

He couldn’t approach Dimitri to ask more about it, because approaching him was really more like approaching the end of a spear instead of a human, and spears didn’t do much talking. And there were so many things on everyone else’s minds; Mercedes was in constant worry over Rhea, Annette was distracted by Gilbert, and everyone else was pulled between concern for Dimitri and his ramblings on Enbarr.

Of course, Ashe understood all of this. It was stuck in his mind, too. But Dedue clung longer, more painful than anything else, until all he could feel was a familiar numbness over the mention of his name. Ashe wanted to be done with losing people. Done with war and with turmoil. Because it just kept taking and taking and  _ taking  _ and soon, so soon, he felt as if it would take him, too.

The greenhouse was, to Ashe’s surprise, still filled with greenery. Sure, it was overgrown, and most of the delicate flowers that needed special care had been entirely trampled under the stronger, native flora, but all in all it was something he could manage. It kept his mind busy while everyone else worried about their own problems. He began the slow job of parsing which plants should be growing where, and carried the heaviness of knowing that Dedue wouldn’t be there to guide him. 

He wasn’t surprised when the professor joined him in tending to the greenhouse a few days later. She came in quietly, a freshly purchased bag of seeds in her hand, and kneeled beside him as he weeded the garden.

“What did you buy?” Ashe asked curiously.

Byleth glanced away. “Flower seeds. I… heard this one grew in Duscur,” she said, holding up one of the smaller packets.

His own smile pained him. “I see. We can plant them here, then.”

Byleth nodded and delicately placed the seeds into small holes that Ashe dug with his fingers. “I hope they bloom,” she said.

“We’ll make sure of it.”

Byleth put a hand on his shoulder before planting the other seeds and leaving. Ashe made sure to keep an eye on everything over the next few weeks, and he was grateful he made it out of the next battle to return back to the monastery. One day, when he came to the greenhouse, Byleth had beat him there. She was standing over the patch of flowers they had planted together.

“Oh, I’ve been waiting for you,” she said.

“Sorry, I was with Mercedes. What is it?”

“Look.” Byleth gestured to the flowers in front of her, the ones from Duscur. They were in full bloom, their soft and pale petals stretched out and eager for sunlight. “They’ve all opened.”

Ashe smiled. What would Dedue have thought of these flowers? Ashe yearned to see the look on his face. Would he scold them for involving more Duscur culture into the monastery, where people could ridicule them for it? Would he be proud, would he have planted these flowers with them? Suddenly, his sight began to blur.

“They’re really beautiful,” he said, his throat feeling tight. “I’m glad we got to see them bloom, Professor.” Each word felt like a struggle to get out.

Byleth put an arm around him, and suddenly he felt like a child back with Lonato, being comforted after a bad nightmare. He envied that child, now, because that child could wake up and everything was fine. There was no waking up to a tomorrow where Lonato or Christophe or Dedue or his parents were there anymore. He could feel himself beginning to shake as warm tears rolled down his face.

“I wish he was here,” Ashe said. “I wish I could have done something. Anything. If I could turn back the clock…”

“I know,” Byleth said. “You two were close. What this war has done to us all is unforgivable. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I had been awake during these five years. I still wonder what I could have changed, if I could change anything at all.

“But some things are meant to happen,” she continued. “Even if they’re awful. Even if they’re truly, such awful things…”

Ashe wiped his tears away with his sleeve. “I’d like to see the end of this war, Professor.”

She drew her hand back and gave him a firm nod. “You will. We all will. I’ll make sure of it.”

Ashe fought with all his might to see the end of the war. He made sure to keep an eye on Dimitri during battle, both because he was his future king and because Dedue wasn’t there to do it. He kept his skills sharp and his eye sharper. He  _ would  _ see the end of this war, for all they had lost, for all they might lose in the future.

Walking into the cathedral at dusk with a plate of food filled Ashe with too many memories. Between the choirs that the professor asked him to attend and the days spent hunched over on a pew contemplating Lonato’s motives, the whole area was just a litany of emotions waiting to burst forth. And now it was partly in rubble, and only Dimitri ever seemed to bring himself to stay here. Why the cathedral, Ashe didn’t know. Was he praying? Did he feel safest here, at the heart of the monastery?

Dimitri didn’t say anything as Ashe walked to his side, making sure to give him ample space. There was so much space in the cathedral, but Ashe felt caged in with Dimitri by his side. He knew the Dimitri from the past was still in there. Somewhere. And that the Dimitri now seemed to be an almost logical conclusion to all the horrible things he had been through.

“How is your shoulder?” Ashe asked, having seen Dimitri take a particularly hard hit from a brawler during the battle earlier.

Dimitri glanced at him. “What do you want?” he asked curtly, cutting to the point.

Ashe frowned. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” Dimitri went silent at that. He offered out the plate he was holding. “And to bring you dinner. Since you didn’t come to the dining hall.”  _ Again. _

Once more, Dimitri spared him a disinterested glance. 

“It’s, um, it’s a Duscur style meal,” Ashe said after the silence dragged on too long. “I’m not sure if I remembered it all correctly, but… I did my best.”

Something in Dimitri’s expression softened ever so slightly, and if Ashe hadn’t known him in his monastery days, he might not have been able to catch it. It was the tiniest drop of his shoulders, the relaxation in his brow. Dimitri turned his head away so that expression was no longer visible to Ashe.

“...He spoke of you often,” Dimitri said after a heartbeat. Ashe blinked, something young and nostalgic rising to life in his chest. “You two were very close.”

Yes, they had been. And yet, there were still so many things left unsaid, so many things that Ashe wanted to talk to him about. Dimitri faced him again, this time looking cold and hardened, much the way he normally was now.

“I will have revenge for what happened,” Dimitri said, his voice falling into a deep growl.

Ashe settled the plate of food on the nearby pew. “I know, Your Highness. I would like to see justice served as well.”

Dimitri went silent after that, so Ashe took that as his cue to leave. Bits and pieces of the Dimitri he knew showed up over the weeks, but none of it could pull through his lust for revenge, and none of it did well for the moral of the army.

And then, they came to the Great Bridge of Myrddin.

The series of wins under their belts had given Ashe relative confidence when entering the battle, even if the nearby buildings put him at a disadvantage. Byleth positioned him towards the back of the march, as usual, though he was quickly swept up in the action. After all, a wyvern rider didn’t need to break through the front lines to get to him, Annette and Mercedes.

Said wyvern rider dismounted before Ashe could land an arrow on his wyvern, and he reacted too slowly, his poor horse taking the brunt of an axe attack that would have easily ended him if he hadn’t pulled the animal back in time. He couldn’t get off the horse fast enough, and it toppled to the ground, pinning his right leg under its heavy body. Ashe looked up at the approaching wyvern rider, waiting for Annette or Mercedes’ magic to sweep in and save him.

The wyvern rider raised his axe up and Ashe waited for the impact. Only, it didn’t come. A lance pierced through him before he could bring his axe down.  _ Had Sylvain or Ingrid rounded back to help him?  _ The man fell to the ground, revealing who had saved him.

For a moment, he thought himself mad. Maybe the axe had found its target in his chest and what he was seeing now was an old friend come to take him to the Goddess. But no, the weight of his horse was definitely crushing his leg, there was definitely pain, which meant he was definitely alive.

_ And so was Dedue. _

He blinked, mouth agape, as he openly stared at his old friend. He belatedly realized Dedue was saying something to him -- he was trying to get the horse off of him and make sure he was okay.  _ Focus, Ashe! You’re still in the middle of a battlefield! _

“Are you alright?” Dedue asked as he helped Ashe to his feet, and Goddess his presence was so warm and steady among the tumultuous field that it made Ashe want to cry. He was jolted out of his daze by the searing pain in his right leg.

“I-I’m just--”

“Dedue?” Mercedes’ voice cut through, her eyes round with shock as she arrived to the scene.

“Mercedes, Ashe needs help,” Dedue said, cutting through introductions. “I have to go to His Highness on the front lines--”

“Of course!” Mercedes said. “I’ll take care of it.”

_ No, wait--  _ Ashe’s thoughts were useless as Mercedes came to his side to help him stand and Dedue rushed back off into the fray. His chest tightened with the fear that the last thing he would see of Dedue was his back and that their exchanged words would be the end of this sudden reunion.

“We need to get somewhere safer so I can look at that leg,” Mercedes said, keeping an eye on the sky for any pegasus knights or wyvern riders. Ashe leaned on her heavily, still glancing back to where Dedue had disappeared.

“It can’t be real,” he muttered. “He’s alive…”

Mercedes’ smile was gentle despite the circumstances. “This is truly a gift from the Goddess, but we’ll both have to see this through if we want to hear the whole story.”

Ashe nodded, biting his lip as the pain worsened in his leg. Even with Mercedes’ magic he had to sit out for the battle, because there was no way he could maintain balance and aim his bow. The agitation of waiting for the battle to end ate at him, and the relief of victory couldn’t come soon enough.

“Is everyone alright?” Ashe asked Mercedes when she returned to him and the injured. Unfortunately, they couldn’t get away with no fatalities, and he hadn’t enjoyed watching the bodies stack up near him. She knew by  _ everyone  _ he meant  _ Dedue. _

“He’s with His Highness right now,” she said. “But I’m sure you’ll be able to talk with him soon. Right now, we should worry about getting you back to the monastery. It won’t do to have you marching with a leg like that.”

“I need to speak to him,” Ashe said, ignoring the pain as he awkwardly shuffled in the general direction he assumed Dedue was at. 

Mercedes grimaced as if she could feel his pain and gently put a hand on his chest to stop him. “Ashe, I know you’re eager to talk to him, but you really shouldn’t--”

“I’ll be fine, and I don’t need to take up space in an infirmary wagon or anything.”

“Ashe--”

“Mercedes, please--”

“What’s all the ruckus?” came Sylvain’s voice as he came up to them with a typical relaxed look on his face. Mercedes looked a little bit relieved.  _ Probably because Sylvain could definitely keep me here with force and she can’t. _

“We’re just eager to hear what happened to Dedue,” Mercedes said. 

“Man, aren’t we all? I totally wasn’t expecting that today,” Sylvain said. “Plus, we snagged a win.” He looked Ashe over curiously. “I heard you got pretty banged up. Should you be walking around right now?”

“I’m fine,” Ashe brushed off. “Really.”

“No, he shouldn’t be,” Mercedes said with a thin smile. 

A look of understanding crossed Sylvain’s face. “Look, we’re all eager to see what’s up and get the details, but a little patience would be good right now.”

“I’m being patient,” Ashe huffed, feeling both petulant and not at all patient.

“Okay, then why don’t we just get you settled with the rest of the infirmed and we can all see what’s up with Dedue later?”

Sylvain casually put his arm around Ashe, and to an outside perspective it might have appeared friendly, but to Ashe it was instantly clear that he would not be able to wiggle out of this grip and that it was also a subtle offering of help to keep weight off his leg. 

“It’s not like Dedue is going anywhere,” Sylvain assured as he helped Ashe walk. “He’s gonna be glued to His Highness’ side just like before.”

Something awful and old settled in Ashe’s stomach at hearing that.  _ Jealousy.  _ He thought he had left that back in the ruins of the monastery. It was an appropriate thought for a teenager with a silly crush, but not for a soldier, and certainly not for a friend. It was Dedue’s job to keep Dimitri safe, and there was something there that Ashe could never have. That history, that dedication, it wasn’t his. And he didn’t want it, that much was true. He just maybe craved a portion of that attention was all.

Such thoughts should have been safe in his head, but he had come to know Sylvain pretty well over the years, and all it took was the barest hint of a sour expression at his words for him to be read like an open book.

“He’ll make plenty of time for you too,” Sylvain said. “You know, as a  _ friend  _ and all that.” The way he said friend definitely made it seem like he was privy to Ashe’s innermost feelings and drama regarding Dedue.

It was some time later that Ashe and the rest of the original Blue Lions students had gathered during the march back to Garreg Mach so they could finally have a proper reunion with Dedue. He had arrived with Dimitri and Byleth, but the latter two hung a little away from the group as if they were there to merely observe. 

Ashe could hardly contain his excitement and hastily tried to stand up so that he wasn’t the only one sitting around while they gathered. Sylvain gave him a shoulder to lean on when he noticed him wince from standing up too fast.

“Oh Dedue, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Annette said, breaking the silence.

“I apologize that I could not return to you all sooner,” Dedue said. “It was with the help of others from Duscur that I was able to make here today.”

“So we have them to thank for this,” Ingrid said, smiling. Ashe was somewhat aware of how tense her relationship had been with Dedue in the first few weeks of the academy, but she seemed to have grown out of that now. “This is truly great news.”

“There’s so much to catch up on,” Mercedes said. Someone said something else, but Ashe was too busy focusing on the joy of the moment. He didn’t think he would get anyone else back after he found out Dimitri and Byleth were alive, but he had. Sylvain nudged him to draw him out of his daze.

“Dedue,” Ashe said, cutting into the conversation. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you for saving me during the battle. So, um, thank you.”

Dedue’s soft smile was somehow flustering. “I’m glad I arrived in time.”

“Whoa whoa, hold on,” Annette said. “Dedue saved your life? Ooh, you gotta tell us what happened!”

Her excitement was infectious. “It was incredible, really! A wyvern rider came at me and felled my horse, so I couldn’t move. That’s how I injured my leg. But Dedue came in and took him out, saving my life.” He may have been remembering a bit too much of a halo-like light around Dedue when he saw him behind the enemy that had nearly killed him.

“If I had arrived sooner I would have been able to stop you getting injured altogether,” Dedue said.

Ashe blinked in surprise. “N-no, it was really my fault for missing the shot in the first place.”

“We’re all glad you’re both safe now,” Mercedes said before the conversation could derail further.

Ashe held Dedue’s gaze for perhaps a second too long, but he couldn’t be bothered to be flustered about it. Even if Sylvain had a very knowing expression on his face next to him.

Because of his injury, Ashe had to travel back to Garreg Mach separately in a wagon with the rest of the severely infirmed so as not to agitate his leg (though he had heavily protested at first). And when they did get back to the monastery, Mercedes was quick to make him rest in his room so he didn’t make the injury worse. Needless to say, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling was not how he wanted to spend his first day back at the monastery.

There was a knock at his door. “Come in,” he said, sitting up and patting his bed ruffled hair down.

His smile widened when it was Dedue who stepped in. “Hello. Mercedes sent me to check on you, as she’s busy with the other injured soldiers right now.”

“I hope the injuries aren’t too bad,” Ashe said. He shifted over a bit on his bed and patted the open space, offering it as a spot for Dedue to sit down. He did so, and it was jarring to have his friend this close, even though he had a few days at this point to get over the shock.

“So how is your leg?” Dedue asked.

“It’s not so bad anymore. I know Mercedes is just concerned that it won’t heal properly, but I don’t think all this bed rest is necessary if I’m being honest.”

“It’s best to listen to her.”

“I know, I know,” Ashe sighed. Dedue seemed to be observing his room quietly, probably noting that nothing had really changed. In turn, Ashe studied Dedue’s face and all the new scars he had acquired over the years. He wished he could have swooped in and saved him from all those wounds. He had a sudden urge to hug Dedue, and had this been five years ago he would have shoved the thought away. But now?

He reached forward and put his arms around Dedue, not caring about the awkward angle or how his face met roughly with Dedue’s shoulder. For a moment Dedue tensed and Ashe was ready to pull away, until he shifted into a more comfortable hug and pulled Ashe closer.

“I’m glad you came back to us,” Ashe said, relaxing in Dedue’s hold. He could feel Dedue’s rapid heartbeat with his head pressed into his chest like this.

“I am glad to be back,” Dedue said.

Ashe looked up at him. One day he’d get over the sight of those scars. Being this close made it so tempting to lay a kiss on each one, as if that would magically make them better, or as if it would transmit all of Ashe’s overwhelming affection in one simple action. He opted instead to reach a hand and cup Dedue’s cheek in a totally platonic gesture of kindness. And he totally didn’t swoon when it felt like Dedue leaned into his touch slightly.

Ashe pulled his hand back after the moment became too tense, but he didn’t miss the way Dedue’s gaze lingered.  _ Maybe when this war ends I’ll… _

“I should tell Mercedes that you’re feeling better,” Dedue said.

“Yes, of course,” said Ashe.

Dedue got up, and the empty space he left felt cold. He paused. “I can return after if you’d like.”

Ashe perked up. “Um, if there’s nothing else you need to do, I would be happy to talk to you more.” Dedue nodded and left with the promise of returning.

Ashe flopped back down on his bed and stared at his ceiling, trying to control the rapid beats of his heart and the stupid smile on his face. Certainly, when the war ended, and their future was secured, he would say something.

It was the future he was fighting for.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if there wasn't enough Dedue/Ashe in this I just kinda wrote whatever was coming to mind for the moment. For some reason I keep defaulting to Sylvain being Ashe's buddy instead of like Annette or Ingrid who I feel like make more sense but whatever, I love Sylvain and I write what I want u_u I hope you all enjoyed!
> 
> Follow me on twitter @Lady_of_Heart13 if you wanna see what I'm up to next!


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